I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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