Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
