if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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