before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
