Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
