be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
