Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
