He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
