Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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