erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Randomize
