that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
