New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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