On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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