My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
