how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
