he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
