Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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