Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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