Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
