So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
