a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
