the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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