I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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