And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
