She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
