I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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