apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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