Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
