when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
