So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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