Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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