I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
