why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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