This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
