i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
