is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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