guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
