'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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