she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
