I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
