Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
