My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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