During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
ok first of all what the fuck
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
