she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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