I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
