I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
