This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
