It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
