sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
