I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
